Grab-and-Go Your Guy

So one day Bethany and I were having some scintillating conversation about the opposite sex over a delicious dinner that we had hand-picked from the Boyd grab-and-go (nothing goes better with veggie nuggets than some serious relationship drama) when we came across an interesting idea: how convenient would it be if males came with that same option?

If we could just walk into Boyd, pick what looked appealing and leave the rest for someone else? We could go straight to Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal look alike-vegetarian-loves animals-knows sports-I’ll hold open any door for you, and skip right over Mr. asshole-hates kids-and his mom-watch me shotgun ten beers-and then vomit all over your new Guess purse.

Just think about it, what if we could grab-and-go our guys?

Here’s the set up, ladies: you walk in, pick up a tray, and get in line. No pushing, there’s plenty of everything for everyone. Join the line on the left if you want some nice warm loving—here are the guys that think romance is a beautiful thing. They’ll hold your hand in front of their friends and won’t think twice about whispering something completely adorable in your ear just when you need it the most. Head to the right if you’re looking for something a little lighter on the stomach—this is where you’ll find the cute guy from your Wednesday bio lab who plays it cool but always sits by you if he can help it. He’s not too substantial, but on a Thursday evening when you’ve got nothing to do he’s just the person to call. Run to the fridge and see if there’s anything you forgot, maybe you want your man wrapped in sarcasm or tossed with a little humor. Swing by the condiments and pick up some brown hair and blue eyes for that irresistible combo you’ve been dreaming of…and finally, get in the beverage aisle for that quick, but necessary, cup of “respecting women” you know he needs. Before you know it you’ve got everything you ever wanted in a man, and it’s time to head to the check out counter to swipe your card.

Which leaves me with the tantalizing question…if you could grab-and-go your guy, what would he be like? Okay okay, I know you’re dying to know my order so here it is: I want him kind and sweet, not too abrasive, mostly calm with a fabulous smile, and served with some serious ability to make me laugh. What about you? Think about it and get back to us, we’d love to hear from you. In the meantime, don’t forget to keep it classy. If you don’t find that one guy your looking for just have patience—Bethany and I are working on a patent of some sort to get this guy-grab-and-go idea up and running. I mean, what did you think they were doing over at Shively?

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